The Subtle Bully: Breaking Trust, Creating Workplace Liability

Recently, I had a conversation with a friend who had been planning a college tour with her sister. She informed her manager of the trip well in advance and otherwise followed the policies for requesting time off. But when the time came for her to take the trip, her boss acted confused and annoyed that she was actually going through with her plans. At that moment, she found herself caught between two impossible (but familiar) choices: prioritize her family or her job. 

But the real choice she’s facing is much bigger: whether her job is the right workplace for her at all. The subtle diminutions of her autonomy and time had become increasingly common. Her managers treated her as though her time was endlessly available and she was EXHAUSTED.

A number of star employees quietly leave workplaces like this every year. They give reasons that feel politically safe: career change, personal priorities, relocation. Rarely are they honest about why they’re really leaving. And when someone does offer candid feedback, they’re often labeled disgruntled or difficult. 

Are managers like this quietly destroying your workplace culture and creating resulting legal liability? And more importantly, would you even know it if they were? We could call them “bullies,” but that word often brings to mind red-faced yelling or harsh, passive-aggressive emails. We are talking about the slow decay of trust and dignity that comes from being treated like a subordinate to serve, rather than a teammate to value, which is far more subtle but equally harmful.

Telltale behaviors can be hard to spot, but the damage they cause is real. Signs often show up in patterns. Frequent turnover, especially within specific teams or under certain managers, is a major red flag. Employees who were once engaged may start to withdraw. Productivity slips. Morale erodes. Pizza parties are met with a hostile side-eye. Left unaddressed, the risks go beyond disengagement and turnover. Toxic management behaviors can lead to legal liability.
 

Five Ways to Cut the Subtle Bully Out of Your Culture and Reduce Legal Risk

1. Train Leaders in Emotional Intelligence: Emotionally intelligent leaders foster inclusion, respect, and fairness, lowering the likelihood of behaviors that spark claims of discriminatory treatment and harassment. 
2. Establish Effective Feedback Loops: Create clear, accessible channels for employees to provide input and raise concerns without fear of retaliation. Ensure that feedback leads to visible action, not dismissal or silence. 
3. Investigate Complaints Promptly and Fairly: A failure to investigate complaints promptly and impartially is one of the fastest ways to land in legal trouble. Whether it's an EEO complaint, retaliation claim, or lawsuit, courts look closely at an employer’s response. An established, fair process that applies to everyone, regardless of rank or revenue, helps protect the organization and ensures employees feel safe speaking up.
4. Protect Employees From Retaliation: Retaliation remains one of the most common legal claims. Ensure that employees who report misconduct are shielded from backlash. A failure to protect complainants can lead to costly retaliation lawsuits, even if the underlying complaint isn’t substantiated.
5. Model Healthy Leadership at the Top: When senior leaders demonstrate respect, accountability, and fairness, it sets the tone for the entire organization. 

Bonus Item: Stop Making Exceptions
Profitability should never be a shield for misconduct. Making exceptions for high performers who behave badly often leads to toxic cultures and legal claims.  

What Will You Do Next?

Strong workplaces are built on trust and accountability. Leaders can start by listening to their teams and taking action on what they hear. HR and legal teams can support that work by ensuring policies and processes are clear, consistent, and fair. If patterns are emerging or concerns are going unaddressed, an outside perspective can offer valuable insight and help avoid bigger risks down the line.